


Shadowplay

by riseupgirl



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drug Dealing, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 03:23:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riseupgirl/pseuds/riseupgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>'As it turns out, theres far worse shit going on in the shadows than what the televisions show in the light of day.' </i>
</p><p> </p><p>In which Ryan and Spencer stumble upon the bad things in the world, and Ryan makes mistakes, and Spencer is the one there to fix them (or at least make sure they don't kill him).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nine Years Old/Your First Taste Of Hopeless Surrender

Growing up with Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith saw a lot.

It wasn't because of Ryan's family and home life. Not all of it, at least. Most of it was just because of where they lived - you saw some shit in Vegas - and Ryan's nature. Spencer had known Ryan for almost as long as he could remember; hell, the Smith family basically treated him as one of their own now. But Ryan was unlike anyone Spencer had ever met, which was saying something because Spencer had met some pretty strange people. Ryan wasn't inquisitive, exactly; rather, more unknowing and easily persuaded. He was smart, don't get him wrong, and he could be a stubborn little son of a bitch sometimes, but when it came to the outside world and dealing with new things and new experiences, Ryan could be a little naïve, or at least oblivious. He stumbled into situations without any forethought, or any thought at all. And more often than not, Spencer found himself right there with him.

It started when they were nine. It was evening, and the two of them were walking back to their neighborhood after visiting the local park. The day had been fairly normal, uneventful, just like lazy summer days should be. Normally, Spencer's mom would've hated the thought of the two of them walking home alone, especially at this time, but the park wasn't far from where they lived and the streets were fairly empty. That was enough to calm the nerves of Mrs. Smith at least enough to let them go alone, and the two boys were enjoying their small taste of freedom. They walked in contented silence, shoes scuffing the ground slightly as they kicked small rocks between them.

Then a loud bang, clearly a gunshot, rang through the air, and the two of them froze. 

There was a moment where the world seemed on pause. Paused within the silence that was almost deafening after the loud gunshot which had, unnervingly, come from an alley only a few blocks ahead of them. Spencer glanced at Ryan, whose eyes seemed locked ahead, then looked back at the street in front of them. Then back at Ryan. Then back at the street. Until finally the world went into play again, and everything kicked back into motion and Ryan was running ahead and Spencer was tripping over his feet to follow him, not wanting to lose his best friend in a strange street where he had just heard a gun go off.

Ryan ran the next few blocks, Spencer following a few strides behind, and skidded to a stop in front of the alley. Slowing next to him, Spencer regretted not hijacking one of the bikes he had ran past - one of those would sure make keeping up with his only-the-slightest-bit-impulsive friend a little easier. That was, if he were to run off again, which didn't seem likely since his full attention now seemed to be on the alleyway. He began to creep slowly into it, disappearing in the shadows for a full moment before Spencer realized it was probably a good idea to follow him. Just to make sure he was safe and everything, and not because he was lonely and a little scared when he was by himself. Slowly, Spencer followed his friend into the alley, blindly stumbling for a few moments as his eyes adjusted to the light. It was one of the smaller, darker alleys, and as he breathed in he could smell the distinctive scent of damp and rot. And something else, too, although he couldn't quite place it.

"Ryan?" The boy called out, squinting his eyes to try and see his friend more clearly. Ryan was just ahead of him, almost a silhoutte in the shadows, standing over a large, unmoving lump. To Spencer, it looked like a human-shaped lump and, as he moved closer, he realized that it _was_ a human, a slightly large woman with dark paint staining her face, slumped against the wall. But she wasn't moving, or even breathing for that matter. And the paint wasn't just on her face, it was smattered all over the wall behind her too. And that was when he stood on something distinctively squishy and meat-like, and he realized the smell in the air was blood, and that the 'paint' was blood, and everything clicked.

"She's dead," Ryan said, as if the blood and brains and lack of movement wasn't enough to tell him that. 

"Uh-huh," replied Spencer, almost numbly, his body and gaze shocked and unmoving.

"She shot herself," He said, again stating the obvious.

"Uh-huh."

Ryan was silent for a moment, which always meant he was thinking. His head was cocked slightly to the side as he gazed at the woman who, he realized now, had a large hole in the back of her head that was leaking blood as they spoke. Blinking out of his state of shock, Spencer took the opportunity to speak, only just managing to keep his voice steady and unbreaking.

"Ryan, we need to leave."

"I wonder why she did it," said Ryan, quietly but clearly, taking a small step toward the corpse. His shoe touched the edge of the growing pool of blood around her, and Spencer felt his heart and panic rate increase. When he spoke again, his words were jumbled and rushed, slurring together slightly.

"Ryanweneedtogonow."

"There had to have been a reason," He murmured, crouching down so that if the woman had been alive, they'd have been eye to eye. "People don't just kill themselves for attention. If they wanted that, they'd only pretend they were going to kill themselves."

"Ryanpleaseweneedtogorightnow."

His voice was growing softer as Spencer's grew more panicked. "Maybe the world gave up on her."

"Ryandontyoudaretouchherletsgonow."

"Maybe she gave up on herself."

"Ryan!" This time Spencer's voice really did crack, and something in it must have woken Ryan from his strange trance. Having already felt hot tears begin to gather, pricking at the corners of his eyes, Spencer was glad when Ryan stepped back from the body, moving carefully around the rest of the blood and mess as he joined him again. Together they walked out of the alley and back into the sunlight, and together they kept walking until they reached Spencer's house. Then Spencer told his mom and she called the police, and then the evening turned into night and the night turned into the next day and there was lots of policemen and important people and talking and by the time it was all over, two weeks had passed and Spencer just wanted to get back to _normal._ He had had enough of cops and therapists making sure he wouldn't be 'psychologically damaged' by this incident - basically, making sure it wouldn't mess him up. And he wasn't messed up by it; he had accepted that death was a part of life, that she had been sad and desperate and all that crap. He was fine, now. Besides, they had let Ryan walk away without having to talk to the therapist lady more than once. But then again, Ryan's dad didn't care as much about Ryan's mental well-being as Spencer's mom did. And Ryan had pretty much shrugged it off, anyway.

That was about the time Spencer realized Ryan Ross wasn't a normal person, and that being his friend wasn't going to be a normal, or easy, job.


	2. Fourteen Years Old/Your First Deal

It was only when they were fourteen that Ryan really scared Spencer again. He had forgotten, for the most part, about the woman. By that he meant that he didn't think about it a lot anymore, except for when he might pass the alley and recall a few details of that day. The event had mostly faded into the past, though; Ryan didn't talk about it, his mom, for all her worrying about him, didn't talk about it, and Spencer himself wasn't going to go around bringing it up every day, so it had mostly just been forgotten about. They were fourteen now, after all - they couldn't go around living in the past.

This time it happened as they were walking home from school, passing by a small park, which was really more of a square of land with a bunch of trees planted on it The trees in question were currently losing their leaves, turning all different shades of red and gold and yellow. It made quite an artistic scene, he supposed. But Spencer had never been one for art, not of the visual form at least. He preferred to leave that to the people who could actually paint or take photographs and not produce a blur of color that was supposed to resemble an image. Still, it was pretty.

Ryan wasn't paying attention to the trees, or anything for that matter. He was too absorbed in his notebook, which he somehow managed to hold considerably still as he walked. He'd started writing some time around last year and, although Spencer had never read any of it, he was sure it was fairly good. It seemed pretty important to him, at least. Sometimes he thought Ryan paid more attention to his writing than he did to the real world.

It was as they were walking along this lightly leaf-littered path, the wind blowing gently behind them, that a gruff voice spoke up next to Spencer, seemingly coming out of nowhere.

"Hey there, kids," The voice said, and Spencer stopped, grabbing Ryan - who was still focused on his notebook - by the shoulder and drawing him to a stop, too. Taking a small step back, he peered past the low fence that bordered the park and into the dark shade of the trees, where he could just make out a human face and figure. He nudged Ryan in the ribs and he finally looked up, following Spencer's gaze to the trees. Neither of them said anything, so the man in the trees spoke up again.

"I said hey, kids."

"Hello," Ryan replied, his voice neutral. There was the crackle of leaves and ground beneath feet as the man moved a little forward, just behind the fence now, almost in direct sunlight. Spencer could see him slightly better now, and it was obvious by his scraggly appearance that he lived a rough life. He turned to Ryan, about to tell him that they should leave now, when the man spoke again.

"You want some drugs?"

Spencer blinked, taking another slight step back in surprise, but if Ryan was shocked by what the man said, he didn't show it. Instead, he kept his gaze locked on him, his face expressionless. "Drugs?"

"No," Spencer spoke up, voice firm. He prodded Ryan's arm, trying to get him to move forward, _away_ from here, but Ryan just shook him off.

"Yeah, drugs," said the man, ignoring Spencer. "Speed, acid, coke, whadd'ya want?"

The fact of it was, Spencer knew Ryan well. Really well. So when he saw the gleam of curiosity appear in his eyes, a slight quirk in his eyebrow as he thought, Spencer knew they had to get out of there. _Now._ Before Ryan did something they both might regret.

"Ryan," He warned, but the other boy took no notice of him.

"How much?"

"I'll do ya a deal, kid. Twenty for a tablet, and I'll throw in half a one for your friend over there," The dealer nodded at Spencer, who shot him a look.

"Ryan, stop it. Let's go." This time he actually grabbed Ryan's arm, attempting to tug him away, but he was rooted to the spot.

"Look, ignore your friend, kid," said the dealer, reaching into his pocket as he did so and pulling out a small plastic bag. The powder-white tablet inside it was painfulky visible, even through the shadow. "Twenty, and this little baby's all yours."

"What is it?" asked Ryan, taking a small step forward despite Spencer's insistent tugging.

"Just try it."

There was a moment where Ryan hesitated, as though rethinking what he was about to do. For a brief second, Spencer thought he'd won, that Ryan was going to just walk away without doing anything. But then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill - don't ask where he got his money, even Spencer himself didn't know - and bought the tablet. Bought the drugs.

And it hit him that he, Spencer Smith, had just witnessed his best friend take part in a drug deal.

The dealer didn't stick around for long after that. He just flashed them a grin filled with rotten, crooked teeth and thanked them, then disappeared back into the trees again. The two of them just stood there, the world on pause again, Ryan holding the bag and Spencer holding his arm. And then Ryan shoved the bag into his pocket and started walking ahead again and _goddammit_ , he was a fast walker. Spencer had to almost jog to catch up to him, and even then he had to powerwalk just to keep up.

"What the hell was that about?!" He said, voice bordering on a yell as they speed-walked, Ryan keeping his gaze forward and not even looking at Spencer as he replied,

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"Nothing?! Do you have any idea what you just did?!"

"I said it was _nothing_ , Spencer," repeated Ryan, shoving his hands into his pockets and getting that set in his jaw that told Spencer he was about to start giving him the silent treatment. But, for once, Ryan Ross's stubbornness wasn't going to win him this battle.

"Look, Ryan," He began, stepping in front of his friend so they were standing somewhat eye-to-eye. "That was not _nothing._ You just bought drugs, Ryan. _Drugs._ "

"So?"

"We're fourteen!"

"Well it's not like I'm going to take them!" He spat back, temper clearly rising. What he said, however, made Spencer hesitate for a second.

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not!" Pulling a hand out of his pocket, Ryan held up the bag, showing it to him, then shoved it into Spencer's own hand. "And here, you can have it, if you're so goddamn worried about it." Ryan huffed, glancing away from him.

"But," Spencer began, more puzzled than angry now. "If you weren't going to take it, why did you buy it?"

"To see if I could."

"To see if you could?"

"Yes. That's what I said."

"But...why?"

"Just because! Okay? Because. Just because." Turning on his heel, Ryan began to march away from him, head down and an angry scowl on his face.

"That's not an answer, Ryan!" Spencer called after him, and the other boy paused for a moment. Turning to face him again, Ryan called back,

"Yeah, well, a lot of things don't have answers, Spencer. And I guess this is one of them."

And with that, he marched off, leaving a fourteen-year-old Spencer standing in the middle of the sidewalk with a bag of drugs in his hand.


End file.
